My new improved life

I can't believe this is my life. I feel like I'm watching a film of someone with a normal life and I'll have to go back to mine at some point.

Last night my ten year old daughter came up to my office to harrass my 22 year old best friend. She threw paper clips at him, poked him in the back and told him he doesn't look smart in a suit. She also gave him and my other friend poems she'd written for them and swung round a lot in the swivel chair.

Then we went to visit a friend of mine. Her dad rang and arranged to pick her up from nearby so I stayed at my friend's and chatted. It felt amazing just being somewhere I wanted to be, with no-one hassling me. Admittedly my son was a bit pissed off when I got in and said he hadn't eaten all day, but he's 15 and should be able to sort himself out. We still haven't got a cooker, but there's a microwave and I bought various strange microwaveable things. Microwave food is really shit isn't it? What are those microwave chips all about?? Who could ever want a serving of about seven chips?

My friend's ex, father of her youngest, died recently and, apparently, they cleared out his house and threw away masses of furniture and stuff, I could have kitted out my whole house. I kind of wish she hadn't told me. Ah well, I'll get sorted when my tax credits and child benefit eventually come through.

Anyway, the main point is that I could stay out, without anyone ringing me and getting arsey. It seems unbelievable.

My husband sent my ten year old back after 11 o'clock on the train. This isn't acceptable, but I'm not sure what I can do about it. There's a lot of stuff I still need to iron out, but yeah, life feels amazing right now

We've located the cat!!!!

He went back to the old house. It's 2.5 miles (I checked on google maps). Lots of people suggested that might have happened but we all scoffed and said he was too stupid. We're hanging our heads in shame now.

Thing is, my husband knew, he saw him days ago. He's been on the phone countless times since, trying to arrange to see my daughter. She won an art contest and had her prize presented to her yesterday so we both went. She went back to his after and he mentioned, in his usual roundabout way, that he'd seen the cat several times over the past week.

He didn't let him in the house because he had no food for him. He could still have given him milk. But what amazes me is that he never bothered mentioning it. I've had to hold each of the kids in my arms as, one by one, they realised he was missing and were convulsed with misery. I walked round the streets at dusk with my son calling the cat's name on Sunday night and watching him suffer as we heard cats that turned out not to be ours.

The kids aren't surprised, but I am. Now we do feel a bit guilty though, cos we'll have to bring him back here and he's gone to such lengths to get back where he wants to be. But it's wonderful to see the kids happy again.

I took a half day this morning to get broadband put on, then there was a power cut just before the bloke arrived so he couldn't do it. He went off to another job then returned ten minutes after I had to leave. The power came back on about 3 minutes after he drove off as well. Very frustrating. But at least the cat's OK!

Still no cat. I've been told of about 87 different cats who wandered off for days/weeks then returned, but I don't want me and the kids to live on false hope for ages.

My husband rang last night and persuaded me to go for a drink with him, greatly against my better judgement and the advice of my friends at work. I'd been thinking through the day that I did kind of miss having someone to lean on, given the whole cat situation. Realised my mistake virtually the second we met up though.

He was creepy, manipulative, asked me a barrage of pointless questions, then turned nasty and accused me of lying, cheating and robbing my children of food. Thankfully my 10 year old daughter rang after half an hour, distraught about the cat and begging me to come home. (I don't mean I'm thankful she was distraught, that was upsetting, just really glad to have an excuse to leave.)

It was such a huge relief to get back to our new house. It may not have cooker, washer, carpets or much else, but it is so great. My son said last night that he was in the kitchen and just suddenly felt overwhelmed with the sense of how great it all is.

My cat's gone missing. I feel awful because I was the one who shoved him unceremoniously into a cat carrier and brought him here.

We've been here a week and a half now and he seemed to be settling in. But we've got a wood and fields at the back with wild rabbits, and probably foxes. And he might have got lost or been targetted by unsavoury young people or run over or anything.

Or he could be injured and unable to get home. But we'll very likely never know. My 18 year old daughter's heartbroken, the 10 year old doesn't fully understand the implications yet, she just knows he didn't come home yesterday. My son's got a GCSE today and he was out last night so he doesn't realise yet.

I hate the fact of having to deal with all their individual griefs. Then there's my 2 older sons in London and Korea.

Other than that things are minly good. My husband persuaded me to give him £110 for the phone bill and tv license installments and cat flea spray. I arranged for him to come to my place of work to get it, then he rang and said he was too tired and I'd have to take it to him. I know, I'm an idiot. I don't have any money now, my tax credits still haven't got sorted, and my daughter's been invited to a party on Sunday so I'll have to get a present.

But being in our new house is so good, and the kids are starting to calm down - years of living with stress takes a bit of undoing. And it was my birthday yesterday. A girl at work bought me lunch in the pub and everyone was really nice. And the kids got me lovely things, a mascara I really wanted, a dinner service (white with square plates - how rad is that eh?)and a model fairy with pink shiny trainers for my desk. And my brother sent me a dvd - The Big Lebowski.

And my line manager refused to believe I was anywhere near 50, so I had to tell her I'm 55. And I felt loved by everyone. Which is always good.

I should be back online at home next week, which means I won't have to do this illicitly at work, along with answering all my emails and generally trying to run my life on my employer's time!

The cat came back finally. Then he went out again. Then my husband went out, then I went out to the shop to top up my phone.

But when I came back the cat was back, so I grabbed him and shoved him in his cat box and we grabbed a couple of things and ran over the road, and hid behind the bungalows opposite. Then I rang a taxi.

While we were waiting for it my husband rang my phone, so we knew he'd come home. My daughter started whimpering. Then the cab came and we piled in.

When we got to the new house she started crying, and it did feel a bit shitty leaving like that. I texted him and told him where I'd left the note I'd written, and that was that.

All we have in our new house are two armchairs, a tv, and some inflatable beds. And yesterday I bought a kettle and an iron, so now we can have Pot Noodles and Cuppa Soup!!

The kids are a bit stressed. It was an adventure at first, but now it's getting a bit hard. Also, my 15 year old son used to vent all his anger on my husband and I was the good guy. But now I'm finding myself the target for his wrath and it's a bit difficult at times.

He starts his GCSEs next week, so it'll get worse before it gets better. Also my husband is trying to fuck me over for the tax credits by ringing up and claiming the kids are living with him, which will delay me getting any money. I need money! No, I mean I really do!!!

But things will get better. And going home from work last night to my little house was just so so good!

I should be starting a new life today.

I've been aiming to start a new life since January, when I made the momentous decision to start a new life.

I rang this place called Options. It's actually the Domestic Violence Unit, but it's been rebranded as a chocolate drink in order to make it sound more cuddly. They made it sound dead good, they said I could apply for a council house and then they'd fit it out with furniture from the local church. I told my friend at work, and he said it sounded kind of cool but wouldn't pews be a bit uncomfortable. We agreed the font would be good though.

Anyway, they sorted out my housing application without me having to go to the town hall, cos my husband rings me at work several times a day, then when I'm on the train coming home, then picks me up from the station.

Then I had to bid for houses. Then I got offered one, which is brilliant. It took a couple of weeks to get the repairs done, then I had to go down and get the keys and sign stuff. That was a nightmare. He kept ringing my mobile. It got me so flustered that I got on the wrong metro, then had to double back, so I was half an hour late.

I rang my mate (not the pews one, my other mate)at work and my husband had rung there. He made a plausible excuse, but then I was gone so long that he rang my mate about six times. I finally walked back in, and he doubled up with silent laughter, pointing to the phone in his hand.

My tenancy started a week ago. That means I've got my name on two tenancies, and rent arrears at two houses. This is because I can't get the child tax credits and child benefit transferred to my name until I move.

I kept ringing the Options woman and getting an answering machine, or being fobbed off. Finally she sorted out two armchairs and a fridge. She said she'd try and get a three piece suite but it wasn't definite. She said, 'If you've got a 3 piece you can sleep on that, can't you?' I said, 'Well, not really. Not all four of us!'

My quiet voice of reason in my head was hissing, 'Be nice to her, you really need her.'

Anyway, she managed to get two inflatable beds and some sleeping bags to lend us. So now we've got the basics, and we planned to move yesterday.

But he won't go out! His mum's abroad, which I didn't know, which means he's not going over there. I was counting on him at least going out to score, but then he insisted I go shopping with him, and announced on the way that he had to call in at his friend's.

And the cat hasn't come home, and I can't leave without him. So my 15 year old son has taken my 10 year old daughter out up the town to try and relieve the pressure. They're gonna go to the new house and wait, and if I don't turn up they'll have to come back here.

He's got this uncanny knack of fucking things up, even when he doesn't know about them.

Where the hell is the bloody cat???